Quality of Life
Today I had an awesome experience. Timing, opportunity etc all played nice with each other and I was able to have a lengthy long distance phone conversation with my very dearest friend, confidant, and so much more. This is a treat we had not indulged in till now. With so many cyber venues by which to communicate, who picks up a phone?!?!
I enjoyed our chat, didn’t feel so far away from someone I hold so near & dear, and as always in our communications – learned a lot. Talking with some people gets your mind to open up for that piece of the puzzle to click into place.
For eons now, due to numerous and various experiences, my children and I have held firm to our belief that DNA does not make family. I have very definitive ideas of what family should look like, feel like etc. NOT in terms of both a mom and dad in the same home, or even that it need be two opposite gender parents. What I mean is by what family should LOOK LIKE is the atmospheric picture. Norman Rockwell may have drawn the American comfort zone image of family but what his pictures truly made everyone associate with was the loving, warmth, comfort, and invigorating, life force of the loving FAMILY environment.
Does my family look picture perfect and simple? No – it often looks stressed, ramshackle, and current day American stereotypical yet not American ideal. Single mom, 3 teens, 5 cats, 3 birds, a pile of bills, multiple piles of laundry and all in a squished in small apartment space. What doesn’t meet the eye but meets the heart is that despite how different they are, and no matter how ‘annoying’ they may find one another, my kids are protective, loving, and supportive of each other and of me. This is home – free of those who deem us unworthy, free of those who want puppets to control and make dance.
I so often sit here, and as I think of my friend, I envy her life. A house not an apartment, a mate, the freedom to be who she is totally and fully, and do what she loves to do in how she runs her family, life, and professionally as well.
I come to find out that, she envies me my independence, my freedom to make my own decisions, and make my life my own (even if having to kowtow to others in the work place). I see those blessings in my life and cherish them but also feel the mighty weight of the double edged sword that is responsibility. If I make a wrong choice, there is no one to fix it; if I get sick, there is no one to pick up the slack, etc etc.
Reality is that – we both have it made – just differently. As human beings we always want the full picture – to be free yet not flying high on the trapeze of life without a safety net securely below us. Personally, I love the country, nature; desperately want a home with a yard, and yet I love the variety, accessibility, and even kooky craziness of living in West Hollywood. We want it all. What we rarely realize is that while we cannot experience every life option simultaneously, we always have the option, and we usually know people through whom we can learn about other life paths. Do I get a vicarious thrill seeing pictures of her garden? Yeah, I kind of do. I enjoy the beauty, I am in awe of the splendor, and can feel her love and devotion that she invested in that beautiful undertaking…..and MY nails stayed clean! I love hearing about her children’s accomplishments, and share those of my own children. I am inspired to follow my bliss as I see her doing what she loves to do…even when my ‘regular’ job does not leave me much room or time & energy to feel capable of doing so.
I think it is empowering – especially for women to see what we can each accomplish. My independence, her determination to be who she is & do her own thing no matter who has issue with it – are both equally but differently empowering accomplishments to see, hear about, be proud of, and cheer each other on about.
I still want a house, I still am stressed to insane degrees by my job….and while I always acknowledge my blessings, I am often overwhelmed by how different I wish things were. Sharing our experiences allows us to see that other great options have benefits we lack but are not the 100% utopia we dream them to be, and we also get to see our own situations from a very different angle that can give us some much needed renewed appreciation for who we are and what we have.
To my friend – thanks for a great time this morning, and for EVERYTHING else.
To those who have come and gone in my life – for whatever reason our paths crossed, I hope we both have gleaned from it what we were supposed to….friends are often only for a season, as well as for a reason.
For those of you in my world – lurking around the edges, not thrilled with me and the choices I make – I’m here to tell you that I am proud of who I am and who my children are and for as much as it would be dandy if you liked us too, it is our view of ourselves that matters. We are good people, with strong values (even if they are not the same as yours), always positively moving forward no matter what or whom has been in our way, and it is your loss to not be sharing some of life with us – we are fun, loving, and probably not nearly as horrifying of a disappointment as you have judged us to be. Just remember you are not perfect either and we may not be thrilled with everything you say or do. Your choice to make differences into distance.
For those of you in my world – you were not invited into the sacred space of my life, my home, my family space casually nor carelessly. I have lovingly and carefully cultivated this life, so respect that and appreciate your place in my life. Your presence in my life means I think enough of you to have gotten to know you, care about you, and within the boundaries of our specific relationship – trust you with being in my life and home, and around my children.
Life is always moving, hustling, bustling, evolving, and hopefully prosperously thriving… I’m blessed and grateful…even when I want more!
