Nicheless….and Proud

 

For as long as I can remember, I have been atypical. In every way. Everywhere. All the time.

As we go through life, we all hit patches of time, or walk through circumstances, during which we feel the ‘odd one out’. Classmates in school of a different financial socio-class than you? Everyone else boy crazy and you would rather climb trees? Prefer to read a book instead of hang out at the mall? At work, is everyone else married and rushing home to hubby while you go home to talk to your houseplants? Are all of them single, planning social activities and adventurous weekend jaunts while you must carpool your kids to birthday parties and play dates? Does the faith you were raised in, resonate with your soul, or are you still on that path out of respect as well as fear of the unknown?

Believe me when I tell you that all through life (I won’t bore you with 40 + years of proof laden stories and examples) – I have been different.

I was – until VERY recently – still trying to find where I ‘fit’. I believed that once I found where I ‘belonged’, I would find a sense of peace, the refuge of being ‘home’. I was exhausted by struggling alone while everyone else seemed to have their very own back up crew; Frustrated by no one – and I mean NO ONE – ‘getting it’ – no matter what ‘it’ was.

Wonder, worry…what was it about me? Where did I fit? Was there ANYWHERE?

A favorite author of mine, Jo Lynne Valerie, writes intensely emotional, passionate, and spiritual stories that stir heart, mind, body, and soul. She is also an amazingly wise, intuitive, and knowledgeable spiritual teacher, who generously shares information and insight with her readers via her blog (http://www.jolynnevalerie.blogspot.com ). Last month Jo Lynne began a series called Thoughtful Thursdays wherein she answers selected readers’ questions. I was honored to be among the first she replied to.

My question and her answer (both excerpted here) were the first step in re-thinking my quest to fit in.

“Jo Lynne, My entire life, I have been… nicheless. I didn’t fit in to the world or belief system that I was raised in, I didn’t fit in with my family, certainly not with my in-laws, once divorced I didn’t fit into any given ‘type’ of single mom category, and even in the more feminine oriented ‘Goddess path’ sector of the world I don’t seem to fit into any precut corner.

People say I am too real, too honest, too intense, and I wonder why that is a bad thing. Should I BS myself, others, and take life superficially? I admit I prefer to be home with my kids, writing, cooking, making candles, oils, doing readings. But finding my niche and having a support system sounds very appealing to this exhausted single mom. Do you suggest I just grow up and accept I march to my own drummer on a quiet, solo path through life, or is there some spiritual means through which I can become more socially fit-able? – Nadia

 

Jo Lynne’s Reply: “I’d like to suggest you abandon, as a trial, all examination and judgment of what you don’t and didn’t do, in favor of celebrating all that is good and lovely about the woman you are. Maybe it’s not so important to find a niche. Do you think it’s possible that the reason you’ve never “fit in” anywhere is not due to some inadequacy or oddity within you, but because you truly weren’t meant to be in those places, with those people? That just maybe in your own home, with your own children, engaged in the sacred crafts that make you feel aligned and empowered, is precisely where you do belong? Some individuals seem born to walk a primarily solitary path. Many times these are the individuals who will in some way, blaze a new trail or path. You’ll have to consider these ideas and see what makes your heart stir. But know this… A woman in her forties is a woman on the wings of major empowerment. Many believe this is a decade to come into one’s own. Lots of women experience a kind of confidence in themselves personally, sexually, professionally and spiritually unlike any that was present before. To celebrate your birthday, you might consider a personal blessing/celebration ceremony, wherein you affirm and bless your life, express gratitude and convey to the Divine (whatever or whomever your concept of the Divine is) that you’re ready for more blessings, for guidance and empowerment, too – that is, if you are. *wink*”

 

What I love about good teachers, inspirational guides and coaches, is that what they point out to you, is really not news to you. It resonates with you, because that truth has been lurking around inside your heart and soul, just a twee bit too shy to come out and stake its claim as reality.

 

Jo Lynne’s words hit home. They resonated. They echoed what I have ALWAYS known and felt to be true. This confirmation was freeing….and a catalyst to move forward.

Then I started to get in my own way again. I planned, I designed…and every game plan – be it in a personal or professional area of my life – seemed like it relied on other people; on their acceptance of my ideas; on their acceptance of me. Felt a lot like square one.

I immediately recognized fear of failure, and stared it down. I realized that I needed a new tool to move forward. I knew what I needed to feel and do – but how to get there alluded me.

I was ready to know…and into my life walked Allana Pratt. We met at a live taping of Real Mom TV. We were both asked to share our experiences as single mothers, live on camera. Even before I heard what she had to say, I recognized Allana to be an important person on my journey. This was no chance meeting. I was ready for my answer, and there she was, ready to help me find it.

Allana is a known as a ‘Sexy Mom Expert’ but she is really so much more. She helps women – moms and non-moms alike – get in touch with their inner voice, their inner self, to feel comfortable in their own skin, and to have a ‘delicious’ life (www.allanapratt.com). Allana guided me past my logical self, and blessed me with the sacred safe space in which to hear my true wisdom – that comes from a balance of heart, soul, mind, and even body.

How can I give life ‘my best shot’ if I am not giving it my ALL – that sacred combination of intellect and emotion, and our inner wisdom – our intuition – how can I be my best unless I am being FULLY me?!

Do I suddenly have a huge mansion, a doting husband and/or a hot pool boy, 3 luxury cars, jewels, haute couture filled closets, and a loaded bank account? Um….No….Not YET.

So I am here to tell you all…Some of us are blessed to find comfort, kinship, understanding, and camaraderie with family and/or friends. Some of us are equally but differently blessed to have common ground with perhaps a wide range of people, and yet we are the type who take the wisdom and wonders from our encounters, and retreat back onto our solitary path, back home.

I may never be a card carrying member of any club, group, sisterhood, or clique….BUT by acknowledging who I am, what my needs are, what brings me comfort and fulfillment, I am no longer wearing myself out by searching for something….that isn’t for me. I have a much healthier, more accepting and loving view of people now that I am seeing them fully for who they are, no longer tinged with wondering who they are in relation to me. I have also come to appreciate myself more.

We are all unique. What I had to see and realize was that despite what society, media, and even family members may tell you – our needs are unique as well. Our social needs, our spiritual needs, our intellectual, emotional, and physical needs….are all unique to each of us individually.

I am nicheless….and proud! (and happy)

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